So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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