dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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