So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
