Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
