I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
