well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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