yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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