she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
