My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The power of my boobs compel you
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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