I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
