so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
