dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just google imaged poop.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
