I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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