It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i was born a porn star she said
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you win again, gameday.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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