bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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