i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
