I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
