Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
