So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
