I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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