I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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