I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
