If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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