Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
