Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
