I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
