I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
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I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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