You're completely useless in the revolution.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think i peed on brittanys purse
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
