I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
