Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
