I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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