I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
