dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
40s are totally the cure
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
