Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
