I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
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it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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