i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
