im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
