just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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