I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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