1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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