the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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