Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
