I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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