so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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