Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize