Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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