is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just invented taco cereal.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
