i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
