At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
