Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
