Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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