It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
