Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
