My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
