i just google imaged poop.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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