Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
