Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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