Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
