I can tuck mytits in my pants
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
