I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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