and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
