Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
