My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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