I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
