I can't watch pbs sober anymore
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
