If that was your dad, he is hot
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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