I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
