I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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