Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
