I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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