the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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