So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
