We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
