Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
