I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
