His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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