youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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