I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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