I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize