Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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