i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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