You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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